Post by HungryHunter on Feb 5, 2020 6:07:27 GMT
Outside of the top ten ranks or so, nobody really made a living from the HWBC. Even outside of travel costs and the like, it just didn't pay enough. Arthur and Alexis were independently wealthy, shark lady ran a flower shop, and Laura he was pretty sure was in the Wild Hunt or something, and Dan would figure out if that was a dealbreaker if he ever got her attention. As for himself, he scrolled the BHA website for jobs with the right combination of profit margin, safety, and legality.
Currently, the pickings were slim. He would spend nearly as much on teleport scrolls as he would get for hunting giant rats in Kenya, taking on the Great Barrier Beast seemed like a death sentence for anybody below a gold star ranking, and he was pretty sure China didn't want him around no matter how many Shaolin ghosts he fought. Buried under the heaps of useless quests, however, he found something interesting.
"Our town faces trouble from a group of ruffian orcs. They take what they like, start fights, and insult us for not being strong enough to stop them. Nobody here can repel them, so we ask for help in doing so. More information at the post office.
Location: Rukesburg, California, USA
Pay: $7,000 per, travel and healing expenses covered"
It was a good combo. The best combo, even. Near enough he could run and make good time, and good money for how doable it was. It was just a fringe benefit that it sounded like fun. Orcs were exactly up his alley. Great brawlers who were pretty reasonable if you could challenge them in a scrap. Did an enemy get any more perfect than that? With a click, he printed the mission description and tucked it into a pocket. He made a call and only paused on the way to the door to pop in on Qiang, enjoying a playlist of ancient composers Dan couldn't name but Qiang idolized like modern pop stars.
"Hey. I've got a job in California, so I'll be gone for just a bit. Cosmina's in charge until I'm back." He ruffled Qiang's hair and was met with a pout and a flurry of thumbs down signs in his mind. "Don't give me that. If you finish your homework, she'll finish up Carole and Tuesday with you."
Qiang's pout lessened and he nodded, long ears flopping. He began furiously scribbling out equations on his math sheet as the girl who just teleported in peeked around the corner.
"All ready, sir! I'll help him if he needs it. I'm really smart." Cosmina puffed up with pride.
"Smart enough not to burn dinner if I'm back late?" Dan smiled on his way to the door.
"That was one time!" She protested.
"Twice. Haruko told me about Loveline's birthday cake. I've got microwave stuff for you two. If I'm not back by 6, pop it in. If I'm not back by 9, call Haruko and take Qiang to her place for the night." He handed her a sheet of written instructions identical to his verbal ones.
"Yeah, same as always. See you, sir!" Cosmina saluted and Dan saluted back as he stepped outside.
The mountains were a granite fortress. Vast, imposing, impregnable walls guarding little pockets of population within. Dan mostly ignored the roads laid out for him, finding shortcuts through woods, up steeper inclines than cars could handle, and down an even steeper grade than it turned out his feet could handle. He was still brushing off dust when he came across the highway once more, complete with street sign telling him Rukesburg was the very next exit. Another, milder slope down and he was there.
The town was nothing to write home about, little more than a main road with some restaurants and a gas station and another few branching off for houses. As small as it was, this town was Aware to the bone. Dan saw all sorts of features that would be hidden to the mundane eye. Advertisements for potions at the gas station, dwarven brews at the bar, even a few unusual creatures lurking in the alleyways. Despite all this, the town seemed dead. Nobody was on the street, and all the store windows were tightly shuttered. He walked a ways, looking for signs of life, but all he found was the post office. After one last glance around, he entered.
All things considered, the post office was pretty normal. Normal enough that the first thing that stood out about it was the fellow visitor who beat him there. There was no mistaking that she was hidden world. Nobody mundane would wear her absurd coat, blue with orange flames at the bottom. Besides, he had met her.
"Eve." He nodded curtly. "I see the paycheck's getting split."
"Doesn't have to be if you go home now… guy." She scratched her head under the tricorn hat she wore. "Oh, wait a minute, you're that guy! Dan? Dan! Didn't recognize you with clothes!"
Her reaction drew the confused stare of the man behind the counter.
“You, ah, know one another then?” He mumbled.
“Yes. And I’m not working with her.” He waved and turned to the door. “She’s free to the job.”
“Wait, please! We’re willing to pay the full price for each of you. We don’t think one person can handle them alone. Not after that karate guy got his arm broken.” The man behind the counter finally got Dan’s attention. He was Asian in descent, young, with piercings that spoke of a Hot Topic employee more than a post office worker.
“Karate guy? A Hidden Worlder like us?” Eve leaned on the counter.
“Well… aware. Still, all it took was one punch! The orc said he didn’t even mean to break it!” The young man nervously twitched.
“I think they’ll find me harder to break. Give me the details and I’ll handle them. Hey Drake!” Eve called, realizing only a moment later he was gone. “Just a sec.”
She caught him on the road out of town, not the way he had come in but down the mountain.
“Where are you going?” She asked, looking down the path. The trees grew up high around the road here, limiting her vision.
“Finding the orcs. The plan was without you, but you’re here now.”
“Oh come on. This isn’t about Siberia, is it?”
“Of course not. You helped save my life. This is about Huntsman. He’s a sociopathic, murderous monster and you hire him. How can you possibly justify that?” Dan gave her a vicious side-eye.
“Oh boy, another one of his many enemies. I admit it, Huntsman is, for the most part, a dangerous monster, a rabid tiger. But that’s why I employ him. A payroll is a short leash, and if he steps out of line, I just need to shorten it further to make him march to my beat. I can turn his aggression upon people worse than himself, and with one paycheck a month, I have neutralized dozens of monsters.”
“Is that your definition of good? Killing evil people? Is that a decision you want Huntsman to be making, of all people? You think he carefully judges whether somebody’s crimes warrant death, or is he a stupid little jester of violence who doesn’t care who gets the slapstick as long as it’s amusing to him?”
“Hell of a metaphor there.”
“Answer me. Do you trust his judgement?”
“...I trust it enough. You might see him as a total monster, but he’s just running on his own moral system. If I throw him at a warlord or a trafficker, he’ll always focus on them. You ever see those alignment charts online? Huntsman chaotic evil, sure, but he’s more chaotic than evil. He hates people who take other people’s freedom most of all.”
“So he’ll kill more monsters than innocents. Net win.” Dan sneered. “God, it’s not about that! I don’t even care if he’s happening to by sheer good luck only kill people that really deserve it! Mindless sadism and slaughter aren’t good no matter who they’re being done to! My gang, they were dangerous, they hurt people, I can recognize that, but that doesn’t change the fact that Huntsman killed them for no reason. He could have ignored them entirely, but he went out of his way to slaughter them and he loved every second of it. They weren’t good, but they were people. They still had family. I don’t just mean me. Tso was taking care of his sister. I don’t even know what happened to her. And did slaughtering them stop the gangs!? No! Before I even left, two triads were moving in on our turf! So how much good did he do by killing them? Did he save any lives at all, or did he only take them? Has he ever saved a life, Eve!?”
“He saved my sister.” She said flatly. “He saved my sister in a way only he could have. He’s an asset, Drake.”
Dan opened his mouth to respond, but words failed. He remained in silence until he suddenly realized they weren’t alone on the road. Coming towards them were the orcs, heading to town for the day’s mischief. They all shared various features. None of them stood higher than about 5’5”, but all of them looked to weigh at least 200 pounds regardless. Their legs were short and their arms long, their postures stooped. Their builds were all varying degrees of strongman and sumo wrestler, plump but clearly rippling with muscle underneath. Their faces were strange, dominated by flat, broad noses that bordered on porcine and short tusks, with small, squinty eyes overhead. Their skin tones were dominated by greys and browns of various shades, with one showing shades of pink. Dan had been expecting them to be wearing armor or loincloths or something; their band shirts and piercings were not expected, although they matched their long black hair, paired, unusually with no facial hair at all.
Eve immediately raised her arm and exposed her cannon, but Dan stepped between her and the orcs.
“I’m standing by what I said. Doing good isn’t just about killing bad people.” He said and began to approach the squad.
“When did you become a pacifist?” She huffed.
“I didn’t. I’m still going to beat the shit out of them. I’m just not letting you kill anybody.” Dan straightened his vest and walked right up to the orcs. “Hey dudes. I heard some guys were causing trouble around here. I assume that’s not what those weapons are for, eh?” He gestured at the various clubs and axes they carried.
“Gruh? This human, he has bite?” The one in front, dark grey and shortest of the bunch, prodded Dan’s chest. “We own the town now. No warriors, so we took over. You kukunga?”
“Kukunga?” Dan tilted his head.
“Fight us for the town, human! One on one, show me something real! Or are you another weakling?” The orc raised his fists.
“Oh boy. I was going to do this whole back and forth where I try to reach a peaceful agreement while secretly hoping we fight, but I’m glad we can skip all that. Draw your weapons.” Dan stretched, finally smiling again.
“Gruh!? This human, he is crazy! We’re not killers! You got no weapons, I got no weapons!” The orc shook his head, dropping the axes to the ground beside him and raising his fists.
“Alright, then. You’re gonna regret it.” Dan threw the first punch, a jab right to the orc’s nose and threw his head back. The orc stared in surprise for a moment, then laughed. He threw himself entirely into melee and Dan quickly learned the power of an orc. It wasn’t like fighting a human, he quickly realized. The orc was short, but his arms were long enough that his reach was actually better than Dan’s. He wasn’t particularly skilled, but his fists were like sledgehammers. Dan parried a straight and stepped in with a fearsome kidney shot. Nothing. The orc practically laughed it off, thick fat and musculature absorbing the force like he was punching memory foam.
It became a painful trade, Dan pushed back by a fist to the stomach. Well then. New plan. Dan pushed through the orc’s long reach, made easier by the fact they made no attempt to utilize it properly. He pushed right in and ducked, glancing a hook off his shoulder. The orc blinked and it dawned on him that Dan was now below him just in time to take a neck-rocking uppercut. His body landed on the ground a few seconds before his tusk.
“Amazing! A real fighter!” A brown orc with a massive morningstar gasped. “Is she as strong as you?”
“I don’t know. Eve, are you as strong as me?” Dan smirked back at her.
“You know, if I threw a grenade, it would blow you up too.”
“She’s tough enough. Why? I thought you were going now.” Dan set his feet to fight again, knowing where this was going.
“Oonash, man! We’ve not had a decent fight in months here! You two take us on and win or lose, we’ll leave the town alone! Weapons out, cause you can take it, ” The orc drew his mace and the others around him armed themselves. Even the one Dan had just knocked flat was standing with a huge grin, twirling his two axes.
“Well I can’t say no there.” Dan had a madman’s grin.
“You criticize me for working with Huntsman, and then you go starting an armed brawl?” Eve sighed, beginning to walk towards the orcs.
“A brawl that makes everybody happy, Eve. The orcs and I have our fun, the town is saved, and you… you get paid.” Dan winked and dove into combat. Eve sighed and fired off her cannon. She had seen their durability. One shot wouldn’t be killing them. Her slug slammed one right in the ribs, drawing a grunt of pain and turning his attention to her quickly turned into paying attention to nothing in particular when Dan’s fist struck the exact same spot and he collapsed to his knees.
“Nice firepower.” He called to her, narrowly avoiding taking the full brunt of an axe swing.
“Decent precision.” She brusquely responded, trying to fight her way past a flawlessly wielded stick. Not a quarterstaff, a regular stick. Every advance was met with a prod to the eye or another vulnerable point. They had looked clumsy fighting unarmed, but Eve was beginning to realize that they were much more dangerous with their chosen weapons. And now she was too close for grenades or reloading her cannon. Well fine, she had other tricks. A blade sprang from the underside of her wrist and with a single sweep, she chopped through the branch. Before he could recover she was in on him, stabbing until he ran squealing into the bushes. She was turning back into the fight and took a smash from the mace, denting her skull and sending her reeling. Another knife sprang from the tip of her foot and she kicked at him, trading her leg getting smashed for piercing the inside of his knee. They both fell to one knee. He laughed and raised his mace before being knocked flat by a knee strike to the temple from Dan.
“Can you walk?” He asked, exchanging blows with the last remaining orc, armed with a longsword that kept Dan at bay.
“I can walk enough.” She reached into her coat and threw something within into the sky. “Eyes closed, ears covered!”
Both Dan and the orc obeyed, sword falling to the ground. After a second, the cannonball she threw fell down with a thud. Both their eyes peeked open and a grin slowly dawned on Dan’s face. A few vicious punches and the last orc was packing with his buddies. Dan laughed, holding his ribs.
“Hell yeah! Now that’s worth 7 grand!” Dan spun to help Eve up from where she had crawled to recover her cannonball. “So, uh, thanks for helping me out there.”
“Why wouldn’t I? It was my job too. And hey, we were a team. Even Huntsman gets that.” She chuckled at Dan’s groan of annoyance.
“No need to rub it in.” They made their slow way back to town and stopped at the post office, claiming their paychecks. Dan was about to leave when Eve tugged tapped him on the shoulder.
“Stick with me until I get my leg fixed. You’re an interesting guy to chat with.” She insisted. “Moral philosophy’s one of those things that’s really interested me since arriving in this time.”
“Might as well. I need to wait for healing anyway.” Dan shrugged. “Uh… don’t know much about moral philosophy though.”
“Eh, you know enough to be interesting.” Even tugged on his arm. “Come on, it’s still happy hour.”
The two had the whole bar to themselves, and over the next 30 minutes, they shared thoughts on politics, morality, relationships, and eventually, they just started telling stories. Fights, lovers (in Eve’s case; Dan only had one story and considered it rude to share details), grand experiences of all sorts. Eve had pulled her damaged leg off to fiddle with on the table, trying to hammer out the dent, but there was only so much she could do with her limited tools.
“So one of them’s a rock star. You probably know them, or at least your kid does. Not like top ten big, but he’s charted a few times.”
“You have not slept with a rock star. I don’t believe you.”
“Okay, fine, you got me. He does EDM mostly. Does rip into a guitar now and then though.”
“Tsk, lying. Isn’t that wrong according to one of those philosophers?”
“Kant. Good thing I don’t give a shit about Kantian eth-”
The bar door slammed open and everybody startled. Dan was back on his feet right away, Eve on the ground because she forgot her leg was on the table. A tremendous orc stood at the door, same burly shape as his brethren but taller than Dan and Eve by several inches. His skin was midnight hued, set off by grey on his nose and the brilliantly orange mohawk that resembled a fire atop his skull. Most notable to Dan were his fists, ham-sized hammers with knuckles like walnuts. The orcs had all specialized in a weapon, and Dan had already figured out what this guy liked to use. The other orcs stood behind him, unarmed now. Spectators.
"So you're the human who uses his fists well, huh?" The orc growled, stomping over to their table and pulling out a chair. "You mind?"
"Go right ahead, but I thought you guys were leaving now that we mopped the floor with you." Dan sat back down, helping Eve back into her chair.
"We will, I promise. This is not another kukunga. I just want a real fight before we leave, and I heard you could give me one." The orc grumbled. "The lady is impressive too, but her skills are not as much to my interest. Fist to fist, that is a real battle."
"Well I see no reason to say no." Dan stood up and stretched. "You got a good spot?"
It was a good spot. The road leading out of town had a broad shoulder on the edge, leaving a large space in which to fight, overlooking the forest below. Dramatic without being all that dangerous. Dan wished he could get locations this nice to fight in all the time.
The orc patted the ground with his bare foot, testing the gravel's consistency. Nodding his approval, he pulled his Metallica shirt over his head and tossed it aside. One of the other orcs caught it and giggled. He couldn't tell what sex they were. Didn’t matter, he supposed.
"If you don't mind, I'll keep my shirt on." Dan only doffed his jacket.
"You can fight naked or in a parka. I don't care so long as you fight."
"You know what's up." Dan smiled and readied himself. A small crowd was growing and Eve was… collecting money?
"You want to see the fight of the century? Five bucks is barely anything compared to this opportunity! This is a world ranked HWBC fighter you've got here! He sells out shows and four times what you're paying, come on!" She had already pocketed cash from the orcs, and townsfolk who had heard of what was going on were coming by the dozen.
"I'd better be getting a cut." He said casually before stepping up.
"Not a chance, Danny boy."
"Oh, you're lucky it's him I'm fighting." Dan was ready and the first punch was thrown. His arms were barely up in time to take the hit and he was thrown against the barrier keeping people from driving off the road. He felt the steel bend from the impact and realized that might have been the hardest he was ever hit. The orc pushed in with another wide punch, this time easily ducked. Just as quickly as he ducked, the other hand came up and smashed his chin, throwing him back into the barrier.
It was an entirely different experience than fighting the other orcs. They were good in their fields. This guy was incredible. Dan tried to move in but was repelled back instantly, the orc keeping him at arm's length. It was all he could do to ride it out, letting the barrier take some of the force. Something meant to stop a crashing car buckled and bent with each blow, slowly coming out of shape. But patiently he waited until the orc made just right move, gave him the right opportunity. It came with a spear-like straight coming at his face, clearly aimed to end it.
Dan didn't dodge, but he didn't take it either. His arms went up and he absorbed the blow as best he could, leaning back with it. The crumpled bar let him slide low, and from this reclined position he acted. He pushed forward and whipped out a leg, hooking the orc behind the knee. He pulled hard, buckling his foe as he pulled forwards. He rose from his position with a hard smash to the face, and already unbalanced orc fell to one knee. Dan didn't let the opportunity slide. The orc's face rose just in time to take a flying knee, stolen straight from Muay Thai.
"That all? Stop standing there and keep going!" Unexpectedly, the orc grabbed his heel, pulling him off balance.
"If you insist!" Dan dropped elbow first onto the orc, starting off a barrage of fists. In the extreme proximity of ground combat, Dan had the advantage. His fists and elbows battered the orc’s face until a meaty hand grabbed his upper arm, holding it still. His other fist was just grabbed mid-strike and his whole body pushed back. Propped up on the orc’s knees, he found himself out of range, but still within reach of the orc’s long arms. He rolled back, keeping them entangled, and a deflected punch finished off the battered barrier. It was a second before he realized they had rolled through, going into freefall. They crashed through branches, still trading blows as they crashed down, bouncing off a trunk with a crunch and landing hard on the ground.
“Fuck…” Dan growled, holding his shoulder as he stood.
“Are you done?” The orc stood, clothes ragged but skin nearly totally intact.
“After a single broken bone? You must be kidding me.” Dan saw an advantage even now. The orc was just slightly higher than him on the hill. In a fist fight, especially with somebody shaped like an orc, that was an advantage. Dan planted his fist in the orc’s groin and for the first time got some sign of pain, an ear-piercing squeal. He smiled, his victory finally close. He moved to use his head, but the orc's came in faster and harder.
His mind slowly regained the ability to focus and he realized quickly that he was not looking up at tree branches anymore. Instead, there was a dirty old fan spinning slow circles overhead and ugly fluorescent lights.
“What a fight! Ow… where’d he go?” Dan rolled off the table to stand up.
“The orcs left, like they said they would. Said there wasn’t any reason to stay. No challenges and they lost their fight with us, so they don’t have a claim here anymore.” Eve shrugged. “You’re welcome for getting the healers on you after Uraga drug you back up here.”
“Uraga?”
“The orc that beat the shit out of you.”
“Ah, good to have a name. Which way did they go?” Dan straightened out his clothes and stretched.
“What? Why? We did our job.”
“They’re just going to wander somewhere else and cause more trouble. But come on, that guy was amazing. They don’t need to do that to make a living! Come on, you’ll be helpful.” He waved for her to follow.
“Again, why? I have my paycheck. I don’t particularly care about what happens to some orcs after I chase them off.”
“The why is that you’re about to make some more money. Isn’t that what it’s all about?”
“Where to next, boss?” Molbord asked Uraga.
“I don’t know. Hear there’s some hermits out in the more deserty areas. Maybe some of them are tough?”
“Doubt it, boss. They’re Jesus hermits, not Kung Fu hermits. And honestly, those guys have never measured up that well either.” Goros grumbled.
“Enlightenment does not bring much strength it would seem.” Uraga sighed. “Well, we could-”
“Make the fighters come to you!” A voice came from behind and they turned to see Dan and Eve.
“Huh? You already want a rematch? You would not do any better. You are a good fighter, an orc at heart. But you have not become a better one in the last hour.” Uraga waved him off.
“And that’s why I’m hiring you as my trainer. You and all your men, you’re all experts in different orcish martial arts, right? Experts enough to teach them?”
“Teach… become personal trainers to soft actors and the rich? I will pass.” Uraga snorted.
“Not personal trainers. Coaches. Eve here is going to front the cash for a gym.” Dan waved her forward. “I’m not just paying you to train me. I’m an HWBC fighter. I’m advertising. I rise through the ranks under you and that’s a promotion for your services. I mention you to my coworkers and they drop in to check you out. Eve’s a cheapskate. She wouldn’t back it if she didn’t think there was profit.”
“Ah, shut up. He’s right though. You guys are good, and orcish martial arts are pretty rare even in the Hidden World. People will be curious about them when Dan starts talking about you. And he knows a lot of people who like to fight. They’ll probably pop in just to see what kind of training you have available.” Eve shrugged.
“This can’t be right! They wouldn’t just offer this! Humans destroy their enemies!” Molbord yelled, raising her axes.
“Maybe some of them, certainly. But in any case, these two are not humans. I know not what the woman is, but this Dan? He’s an orc.” Uraga smiled. “I accept your offer! We just need a name.” The other orcs immediately began offering their ideas.
“Kukunda Treasure!”
“Valhalla on Earth!”
“Bloodsauna!”
“No, no, I got it! Oonash Dan!”
“Yes! That! Use that, boss!”
“It’s agreed then! Oonash Dan it is! Everybody start gathering training equipment! We need to make Dan bleed tomorrow if he’s going to get any better by his next match!” Uraga yelled and his people scattered with gleeful shouts to gather whatever they had in mind for training.
“Tomorrow? Well, I guess the gym can be outdoors until I actually get you guys a building.” Eve mumbled.
“Good idea! Get us a building with outdoor areas! Very important!” Uraga nodded.
“Uraga, sir! I need to go back to my son. I will come back here to meet you tomorrow morning, but before I go, I have to ask, what the hell does oonash mean? You guys keep saying it, but I don’t get it.” Dan asked.
“Heheh. It doesn’t really translate easy. Lots of meanings. Sometimes just an expl… swear, heh, maybe it doesn’t translate because I do not like English. Literally, it’s probably close to “beat the motherfucker”.” Uraga explained.
“So… Oonash Dan?” Dan smiled. He liked where this was going.
“Is a command and a statement of confidence. You’re going to beat a lot of motherfuckers with us, Dan.”
Currently, the pickings were slim. He would spend nearly as much on teleport scrolls as he would get for hunting giant rats in Kenya, taking on the Great Barrier Beast seemed like a death sentence for anybody below a gold star ranking, and he was pretty sure China didn't want him around no matter how many Shaolin ghosts he fought. Buried under the heaps of useless quests, however, he found something interesting.
"Our town faces trouble from a group of ruffian orcs. They take what they like, start fights, and insult us for not being strong enough to stop them. Nobody here can repel them, so we ask for help in doing so. More information at the post office.
Location: Rukesburg, California, USA
Pay: $7,000 per, travel and healing expenses covered"
It was a good combo. The best combo, even. Near enough he could run and make good time, and good money for how doable it was. It was just a fringe benefit that it sounded like fun. Orcs were exactly up his alley. Great brawlers who were pretty reasonable if you could challenge them in a scrap. Did an enemy get any more perfect than that? With a click, he printed the mission description and tucked it into a pocket. He made a call and only paused on the way to the door to pop in on Qiang, enjoying a playlist of ancient composers Dan couldn't name but Qiang idolized like modern pop stars.
"Hey. I've got a job in California, so I'll be gone for just a bit. Cosmina's in charge until I'm back." He ruffled Qiang's hair and was met with a pout and a flurry of thumbs down signs in his mind. "Don't give me that. If you finish your homework, she'll finish up Carole and Tuesday with you."
Qiang's pout lessened and he nodded, long ears flopping. He began furiously scribbling out equations on his math sheet as the girl who just teleported in peeked around the corner.
"All ready, sir! I'll help him if he needs it. I'm really smart." Cosmina puffed up with pride.
"Smart enough not to burn dinner if I'm back late?" Dan smiled on his way to the door.
"That was one time!" She protested.
"Twice. Haruko told me about Loveline's birthday cake. I've got microwave stuff for you two. If I'm not back by 6, pop it in. If I'm not back by 9, call Haruko and take Qiang to her place for the night." He handed her a sheet of written instructions identical to his verbal ones.
"Yeah, same as always. See you, sir!" Cosmina saluted and Dan saluted back as he stepped outside.
The mountains were a granite fortress. Vast, imposing, impregnable walls guarding little pockets of population within. Dan mostly ignored the roads laid out for him, finding shortcuts through woods, up steeper inclines than cars could handle, and down an even steeper grade than it turned out his feet could handle. He was still brushing off dust when he came across the highway once more, complete with street sign telling him Rukesburg was the very next exit. Another, milder slope down and he was there.
The town was nothing to write home about, little more than a main road with some restaurants and a gas station and another few branching off for houses. As small as it was, this town was Aware to the bone. Dan saw all sorts of features that would be hidden to the mundane eye. Advertisements for potions at the gas station, dwarven brews at the bar, even a few unusual creatures lurking in the alleyways. Despite all this, the town seemed dead. Nobody was on the street, and all the store windows were tightly shuttered. He walked a ways, looking for signs of life, but all he found was the post office. After one last glance around, he entered.
All things considered, the post office was pretty normal. Normal enough that the first thing that stood out about it was the fellow visitor who beat him there. There was no mistaking that she was hidden world. Nobody mundane would wear her absurd coat, blue with orange flames at the bottom. Besides, he had met her.
"Eve." He nodded curtly. "I see the paycheck's getting split."
"Doesn't have to be if you go home now… guy." She scratched her head under the tricorn hat she wore. "Oh, wait a minute, you're that guy! Dan? Dan! Didn't recognize you with clothes!"
Her reaction drew the confused stare of the man behind the counter.
“You, ah, know one another then?” He mumbled.
“Yes. And I’m not working with her.” He waved and turned to the door. “She’s free to the job.”
“Wait, please! We’re willing to pay the full price for each of you. We don’t think one person can handle them alone. Not after that karate guy got his arm broken.” The man behind the counter finally got Dan’s attention. He was Asian in descent, young, with piercings that spoke of a Hot Topic employee more than a post office worker.
“Karate guy? A Hidden Worlder like us?” Eve leaned on the counter.
“Well… aware. Still, all it took was one punch! The orc said he didn’t even mean to break it!” The young man nervously twitched.
“I think they’ll find me harder to break. Give me the details and I’ll handle them. Hey Drake!” Eve called, realizing only a moment later he was gone. “Just a sec.”
She caught him on the road out of town, not the way he had come in but down the mountain.
“Where are you going?” She asked, looking down the path. The trees grew up high around the road here, limiting her vision.
“Finding the orcs. The plan was without you, but you’re here now.”
“Oh come on. This isn’t about Siberia, is it?”
“Of course not. You helped save my life. This is about Huntsman. He’s a sociopathic, murderous monster and you hire him. How can you possibly justify that?” Dan gave her a vicious side-eye.
“Oh boy, another one of his many enemies. I admit it, Huntsman is, for the most part, a dangerous monster, a rabid tiger. But that’s why I employ him. A payroll is a short leash, and if he steps out of line, I just need to shorten it further to make him march to my beat. I can turn his aggression upon people worse than himself, and with one paycheck a month, I have neutralized dozens of monsters.”
“Is that your definition of good? Killing evil people? Is that a decision you want Huntsman to be making, of all people? You think he carefully judges whether somebody’s crimes warrant death, or is he a stupid little jester of violence who doesn’t care who gets the slapstick as long as it’s amusing to him?”
“Hell of a metaphor there.”
“Answer me. Do you trust his judgement?”
“...I trust it enough. You might see him as a total monster, but he’s just running on his own moral system. If I throw him at a warlord or a trafficker, he’ll always focus on them. You ever see those alignment charts online? Huntsman chaotic evil, sure, but he’s more chaotic than evil. He hates people who take other people’s freedom most of all.”
“So he’ll kill more monsters than innocents. Net win.” Dan sneered. “God, it’s not about that! I don’t even care if he’s happening to by sheer good luck only kill people that really deserve it! Mindless sadism and slaughter aren’t good no matter who they’re being done to! My gang, they were dangerous, they hurt people, I can recognize that, but that doesn’t change the fact that Huntsman killed them for no reason. He could have ignored them entirely, but he went out of his way to slaughter them and he loved every second of it. They weren’t good, but they were people. They still had family. I don’t just mean me. Tso was taking care of his sister. I don’t even know what happened to her. And did slaughtering them stop the gangs!? No! Before I even left, two triads were moving in on our turf! So how much good did he do by killing them? Did he save any lives at all, or did he only take them? Has he ever saved a life, Eve!?”
“He saved my sister.” She said flatly. “He saved my sister in a way only he could have. He’s an asset, Drake.”
Dan opened his mouth to respond, but words failed. He remained in silence until he suddenly realized they weren’t alone on the road. Coming towards them were the orcs, heading to town for the day’s mischief. They all shared various features. None of them stood higher than about 5’5”, but all of them looked to weigh at least 200 pounds regardless. Their legs were short and their arms long, their postures stooped. Their builds were all varying degrees of strongman and sumo wrestler, plump but clearly rippling with muscle underneath. Their faces were strange, dominated by flat, broad noses that bordered on porcine and short tusks, with small, squinty eyes overhead. Their skin tones were dominated by greys and browns of various shades, with one showing shades of pink. Dan had been expecting them to be wearing armor or loincloths or something; their band shirts and piercings were not expected, although they matched their long black hair, paired, unusually with no facial hair at all.
Eve immediately raised her arm and exposed her cannon, but Dan stepped between her and the orcs.
“I’m standing by what I said. Doing good isn’t just about killing bad people.” He said and began to approach the squad.
“When did you become a pacifist?” She huffed.
“I didn’t. I’m still going to beat the shit out of them. I’m just not letting you kill anybody.” Dan straightened his vest and walked right up to the orcs. “Hey dudes. I heard some guys were causing trouble around here. I assume that’s not what those weapons are for, eh?” He gestured at the various clubs and axes they carried.
“Gruh? This human, he has bite?” The one in front, dark grey and shortest of the bunch, prodded Dan’s chest. “We own the town now. No warriors, so we took over. You kukunga?”
“Kukunga?” Dan tilted his head.
“Fight us for the town, human! One on one, show me something real! Or are you another weakling?” The orc raised his fists.
“Oh boy. I was going to do this whole back and forth where I try to reach a peaceful agreement while secretly hoping we fight, but I’m glad we can skip all that. Draw your weapons.” Dan stretched, finally smiling again.
“Gruh!? This human, he is crazy! We’re not killers! You got no weapons, I got no weapons!” The orc shook his head, dropping the axes to the ground beside him and raising his fists.
“Alright, then. You’re gonna regret it.” Dan threw the first punch, a jab right to the orc’s nose and threw his head back. The orc stared in surprise for a moment, then laughed. He threw himself entirely into melee and Dan quickly learned the power of an orc. It wasn’t like fighting a human, he quickly realized. The orc was short, but his arms were long enough that his reach was actually better than Dan’s. He wasn’t particularly skilled, but his fists were like sledgehammers. Dan parried a straight and stepped in with a fearsome kidney shot. Nothing. The orc practically laughed it off, thick fat and musculature absorbing the force like he was punching memory foam.
It became a painful trade, Dan pushed back by a fist to the stomach. Well then. New plan. Dan pushed through the orc’s long reach, made easier by the fact they made no attempt to utilize it properly. He pushed right in and ducked, glancing a hook off his shoulder. The orc blinked and it dawned on him that Dan was now below him just in time to take a neck-rocking uppercut. His body landed on the ground a few seconds before his tusk.
“Amazing! A real fighter!” A brown orc with a massive morningstar gasped. “Is she as strong as you?”
“I don’t know. Eve, are you as strong as me?” Dan smirked back at her.
“You know, if I threw a grenade, it would blow you up too.”
“She’s tough enough. Why? I thought you were going now.” Dan set his feet to fight again, knowing where this was going.
“Oonash, man! We’ve not had a decent fight in months here! You two take us on and win or lose, we’ll leave the town alone! Weapons out, cause you can take it, ” The orc drew his mace and the others around him armed themselves. Even the one Dan had just knocked flat was standing with a huge grin, twirling his two axes.
“Well I can’t say no there.” Dan had a madman’s grin.
“You criticize me for working with Huntsman, and then you go starting an armed brawl?” Eve sighed, beginning to walk towards the orcs.
“A brawl that makes everybody happy, Eve. The orcs and I have our fun, the town is saved, and you… you get paid.” Dan winked and dove into combat. Eve sighed and fired off her cannon. She had seen their durability. One shot wouldn’t be killing them. Her slug slammed one right in the ribs, drawing a grunt of pain and turning his attention to her quickly turned into paying attention to nothing in particular when Dan’s fist struck the exact same spot and he collapsed to his knees.
“Nice firepower.” He called to her, narrowly avoiding taking the full brunt of an axe swing.
“Decent precision.” She brusquely responded, trying to fight her way past a flawlessly wielded stick. Not a quarterstaff, a regular stick. Every advance was met with a prod to the eye or another vulnerable point. They had looked clumsy fighting unarmed, but Eve was beginning to realize that they were much more dangerous with their chosen weapons. And now she was too close for grenades or reloading her cannon. Well fine, she had other tricks. A blade sprang from the underside of her wrist and with a single sweep, she chopped through the branch. Before he could recover she was in on him, stabbing until he ran squealing into the bushes. She was turning back into the fight and took a smash from the mace, denting her skull and sending her reeling. Another knife sprang from the tip of her foot and she kicked at him, trading her leg getting smashed for piercing the inside of his knee. They both fell to one knee. He laughed and raised his mace before being knocked flat by a knee strike to the temple from Dan.
“Can you walk?” He asked, exchanging blows with the last remaining orc, armed with a longsword that kept Dan at bay.
“I can walk enough.” She reached into her coat and threw something within into the sky. “Eyes closed, ears covered!”
Both Dan and the orc obeyed, sword falling to the ground. After a second, the cannonball she threw fell down with a thud. Both their eyes peeked open and a grin slowly dawned on Dan’s face. A few vicious punches and the last orc was packing with his buddies. Dan laughed, holding his ribs.
“Hell yeah! Now that’s worth 7 grand!” Dan spun to help Eve up from where she had crawled to recover her cannonball. “So, uh, thanks for helping me out there.”
“Why wouldn’t I? It was my job too. And hey, we were a team. Even Huntsman gets that.” She chuckled at Dan’s groan of annoyance.
“No need to rub it in.” They made their slow way back to town and stopped at the post office, claiming their paychecks. Dan was about to leave when Eve tugged tapped him on the shoulder.
“Stick with me until I get my leg fixed. You’re an interesting guy to chat with.” She insisted. “Moral philosophy’s one of those things that’s really interested me since arriving in this time.”
“Might as well. I need to wait for healing anyway.” Dan shrugged. “Uh… don’t know much about moral philosophy though.”
“Eh, you know enough to be interesting.” Even tugged on his arm. “Come on, it’s still happy hour.”
The two had the whole bar to themselves, and over the next 30 minutes, they shared thoughts on politics, morality, relationships, and eventually, they just started telling stories. Fights, lovers (in Eve’s case; Dan only had one story and considered it rude to share details), grand experiences of all sorts. Eve had pulled her damaged leg off to fiddle with on the table, trying to hammer out the dent, but there was only so much she could do with her limited tools.
“So one of them’s a rock star. You probably know them, or at least your kid does. Not like top ten big, but he’s charted a few times.”
“You have not slept with a rock star. I don’t believe you.”
“Okay, fine, you got me. He does EDM mostly. Does rip into a guitar now and then though.”
“Tsk, lying. Isn’t that wrong according to one of those philosophers?”
“Kant. Good thing I don’t give a shit about Kantian eth-”
The bar door slammed open and everybody startled. Dan was back on his feet right away, Eve on the ground because she forgot her leg was on the table. A tremendous orc stood at the door, same burly shape as his brethren but taller than Dan and Eve by several inches. His skin was midnight hued, set off by grey on his nose and the brilliantly orange mohawk that resembled a fire atop his skull. Most notable to Dan were his fists, ham-sized hammers with knuckles like walnuts. The orcs had all specialized in a weapon, and Dan had already figured out what this guy liked to use. The other orcs stood behind him, unarmed now. Spectators.
"So you're the human who uses his fists well, huh?" The orc growled, stomping over to their table and pulling out a chair. "You mind?"
"Go right ahead, but I thought you guys were leaving now that we mopped the floor with you." Dan sat back down, helping Eve back into her chair.
"We will, I promise. This is not another kukunga. I just want a real fight before we leave, and I heard you could give me one." The orc grumbled. "The lady is impressive too, but her skills are not as much to my interest. Fist to fist, that is a real battle."
"Well I see no reason to say no." Dan stood up and stretched. "You got a good spot?"
It was a good spot. The road leading out of town had a broad shoulder on the edge, leaving a large space in which to fight, overlooking the forest below. Dramatic without being all that dangerous. Dan wished he could get locations this nice to fight in all the time.
The orc patted the ground with his bare foot, testing the gravel's consistency. Nodding his approval, he pulled his Metallica shirt over his head and tossed it aside. One of the other orcs caught it and giggled. He couldn't tell what sex they were. Didn’t matter, he supposed.
"If you don't mind, I'll keep my shirt on." Dan only doffed his jacket.
"You can fight naked or in a parka. I don't care so long as you fight."
"You know what's up." Dan smiled and readied himself. A small crowd was growing and Eve was… collecting money?
"You want to see the fight of the century? Five bucks is barely anything compared to this opportunity! This is a world ranked HWBC fighter you've got here! He sells out shows and four times what you're paying, come on!" She had already pocketed cash from the orcs, and townsfolk who had heard of what was going on were coming by the dozen.
"I'd better be getting a cut." He said casually before stepping up.
"Not a chance, Danny boy."
"Oh, you're lucky it's him I'm fighting." Dan was ready and the first punch was thrown. His arms were barely up in time to take the hit and he was thrown against the barrier keeping people from driving off the road. He felt the steel bend from the impact and realized that might have been the hardest he was ever hit. The orc pushed in with another wide punch, this time easily ducked. Just as quickly as he ducked, the other hand came up and smashed his chin, throwing him back into the barrier.
It was an entirely different experience than fighting the other orcs. They were good in their fields. This guy was incredible. Dan tried to move in but was repelled back instantly, the orc keeping him at arm's length. It was all he could do to ride it out, letting the barrier take some of the force. Something meant to stop a crashing car buckled and bent with each blow, slowly coming out of shape. But patiently he waited until the orc made just right move, gave him the right opportunity. It came with a spear-like straight coming at his face, clearly aimed to end it.
Dan didn't dodge, but he didn't take it either. His arms went up and he absorbed the blow as best he could, leaning back with it. The crumpled bar let him slide low, and from this reclined position he acted. He pushed forward and whipped out a leg, hooking the orc behind the knee. He pulled hard, buckling his foe as he pulled forwards. He rose from his position with a hard smash to the face, and already unbalanced orc fell to one knee. Dan didn't let the opportunity slide. The orc's face rose just in time to take a flying knee, stolen straight from Muay Thai.
"That all? Stop standing there and keep going!" Unexpectedly, the orc grabbed his heel, pulling him off balance.
"If you insist!" Dan dropped elbow first onto the orc, starting off a barrage of fists. In the extreme proximity of ground combat, Dan had the advantage. His fists and elbows battered the orc’s face until a meaty hand grabbed his upper arm, holding it still. His other fist was just grabbed mid-strike and his whole body pushed back. Propped up on the orc’s knees, he found himself out of range, but still within reach of the orc’s long arms. He rolled back, keeping them entangled, and a deflected punch finished off the battered barrier. It was a second before he realized they had rolled through, going into freefall. They crashed through branches, still trading blows as they crashed down, bouncing off a trunk with a crunch and landing hard on the ground.
“Fuck…” Dan growled, holding his shoulder as he stood.
“Are you done?” The orc stood, clothes ragged but skin nearly totally intact.
“After a single broken bone? You must be kidding me.” Dan saw an advantage even now. The orc was just slightly higher than him on the hill. In a fist fight, especially with somebody shaped like an orc, that was an advantage. Dan planted his fist in the orc’s groin and for the first time got some sign of pain, an ear-piercing squeal. He smiled, his victory finally close. He moved to use his head, but the orc's came in faster and harder.
His mind slowly regained the ability to focus and he realized quickly that he was not looking up at tree branches anymore. Instead, there was a dirty old fan spinning slow circles overhead and ugly fluorescent lights.
“What a fight! Ow… where’d he go?” Dan rolled off the table to stand up.
“The orcs left, like they said they would. Said there wasn’t any reason to stay. No challenges and they lost their fight with us, so they don’t have a claim here anymore.” Eve shrugged. “You’re welcome for getting the healers on you after Uraga drug you back up here.”
“Uraga?”
“The orc that beat the shit out of you.”
“Ah, good to have a name. Which way did they go?” Dan straightened out his clothes and stretched.
“What? Why? We did our job.”
“They’re just going to wander somewhere else and cause more trouble. But come on, that guy was amazing. They don’t need to do that to make a living! Come on, you’ll be helpful.” He waved for her to follow.
“Again, why? I have my paycheck. I don’t particularly care about what happens to some orcs after I chase them off.”
“The why is that you’re about to make some more money. Isn’t that what it’s all about?”
“Where to next, boss?” Molbord asked Uraga.
“I don’t know. Hear there’s some hermits out in the more deserty areas. Maybe some of them are tough?”
“Doubt it, boss. They’re Jesus hermits, not Kung Fu hermits. And honestly, those guys have never measured up that well either.” Goros grumbled.
“Enlightenment does not bring much strength it would seem.” Uraga sighed. “Well, we could-”
“Make the fighters come to you!” A voice came from behind and they turned to see Dan and Eve.
“Huh? You already want a rematch? You would not do any better. You are a good fighter, an orc at heart. But you have not become a better one in the last hour.” Uraga waved him off.
“And that’s why I’m hiring you as my trainer. You and all your men, you’re all experts in different orcish martial arts, right? Experts enough to teach them?”
“Teach… become personal trainers to soft actors and the rich? I will pass.” Uraga snorted.
“Not personal trainers. Coaches. Eve here is going to front the cash for a gym.” Dan waved her forward. “I’m not just paying you to train me. I’m an HWBC fighter. I’m advertising. I rise through the ranks under you and that’s a promotion for your services. I mention you to my coworkers and they drop in to check you out. Eve’s a cheapskate. She wouldn’t back it if she didn’t think there was profit.”
“Ah, shut up. He’s right though. You guys are good, and orcish martial arts are pretty rare even in the Hidden World. People will be curious about them when Dan starts talking about you. And he knows a lot of people who like to fight. They’ll probably pop in just to see what kind of training you have available.” Eve shrugged.
“This can’t be right! They wouldn’t just offer this! Humans destroy their enemies!” Molbord yelled, raising her axes.
“Maybe some of them, certainly. But in any case, these two are not humans. I know not what the woman is, but this Dan? He’s an orc.” Uraga smiled. “I accept your offer! We just need a name.” The other orcs immediately began offering their ideas.
“Kukunda Treasure!”
“Valhalla on Earth!”
“Bloodsauna!”
“No, no, I got it! Oonash Dan!”
“Yes! That! Use that, boss!”
“It’s agreed then! Oonash Dan it is! Everybody start gathering training equipment! We need to make Dan bleed tomorrow if he’s going to get any better by his next match!” Uraga yelled and his people scattered with gleeful shouts to gather whatever they had in mind for training.
“Tomorrow? Well, I guess the gym can be outdoors until I actually get you guys a building.” Eve mumbled.
“Good idea! Get us a building with outdoor areas! Very important!” Uraga nodded.
“Uraga, sir! I need to go back to my son. I will come back here to meet you tomorrow morning, but before I go, I have to ask, what the hell does oonash mean? You guys keep saying it, but I don’t get it.” Dan asked.
“Heheh. It doesn’t really translate easy. Lots of meanings. Sometimes just an expl… swear, heh, maybe it doesn’t translate because I do not like English. Literally, it’s probably close to “beat the motherfucker”.” Uraga explained.
“So… Oonash Dan?” Dan smiled. He liked where this was going.
“Is a command and a statement of confidence. You’re going to beat a lot of motherfuckers with us, Dan.”