Hello, and welcome...to Critique That Character! The rules are simple. Someone posts a character they want feedback on, and the person below gives some suggestions on what they would like to see from said character, as well as some things they like about them. The character posted does not have to be your own. Here is an example;
A good attempt at making a total monster hate doll, the extreme persona seemed to make the character too uncomfortable to play. I would have suggested to tone down the level of crazy, make her able to somewhat function in society. I liked how antagonistic she was with the other dolls, especially when she fought them and the heros in Big Strong Hands.
I think the main weakness of Haruko is partially one of her strongest virtues. She is too consistent. Apart from the whole Yamiko ordeal, she rarely has strong emotional outbursts. And she could use her baseline skills in more creative ways, she started more creative but slowly she ended up "Throwing Knives" instead of pulling weirder stuff with her interesting weapon. Every ounce of creativity and emotion kinda gets relegated to Yamiko or to the Joint Gem Girl form.
Thanks for the response! I certainly want to use Haruko more creatively(which is a big part of why I removed Yamiko from her entirely before House started). As for Gen;
He seems to be too much of a macguffin. In most topics he's in, he is either knocked out, or is frequently knocked out. Off the top of my head; Osaka Ablaze - Absent until the very end The Cave - Absent for a large portion of the topic Hellscraper - Briefly appeared, only reappeared at the end Lazarus - Came in a few rooms in, and is now knocked out again
The only topics I can recall where he was there from the start and conscious the whole time have been Treasure, Castle and Oh Son. This frequent absence makes it painfully difficult to build relationships between him and other characters. He had something with Crow, but now Crow is mostly absent. I guess it can be boiled down to this; it doesn't feel like Gen has any agency. Now, the screen time he does get is great, especially when paired with Rin. His final punch against Honorable Battle was also amazing.
Cadence is a really neat one to critique cause I overall like her a lot. She's got a charming deadpan to her, but loves her sisters and plants. However, her deadpan can be a bit strong. While it's totally in character for her to not care about anything, it makes her a little flat sometimes, with the same reaction to most events. She's a difficult character type to balance, and perhaps her not using her weed for a short period of an RP would be interesting.